women and toddlers are from venus

Ah, the season is winding down . . . I knew it would go by fast, but did not expect to be sitting here on the 16th of September thinking that I only have three weddings left for 2009. To be completely, brutally honest - because why would I be anything otherwise? - I need the break as much as I need Thai food and wine to have less calories.

I'm having a bit of a grumpy day today and am not entirely sure where it's coming from. Lack of sleep? No. Lack of social interaction? Um, definitely not. Bored, nothing to do? Ha! My to-do list is an arm's length long, yet here I sit babbling on about nothing at all.

Lately it's been relationships on my mind . . . it seems once I opened up about my own personal situation, all my little clams out there pushed open their shells and poked their pretty little heads out to say, yes, Mo, I am going through the same thing, and so it's been the topic of many conversations. I have disappointed as many people as I have inspired. When people come to me for advice, or ask me how I came to the decision I made, I respond simply, I just wanted to be happy. That's it. It was really that simple. It became unacceptable for me to feel anything less.

So many relationship cliches jump out at me these days, but I feel so differently about them. I don't believe relationships become passionless naturally. The people who tell me, Well, relationships change! are the people whose relationships I don't admire or even necessarily respect. Of course they change, but they shouldn't change with a roll of the eyes and dismiss of the hand.

Here are the things I need and I crave and if I don't have, than would rather be alone. I need to truly like and respect a man that I say I love you to. When I say I love you, I need to hear it back, spoken with the eyes and heart and soul. When the dinner dishes are put away and the Pinot is poured, I need to sit close and tight, and feel safe and loved. And if I'm not sitting close and tight, I still need to glance across the room and think to myself, I love that man for every right reason that exists.

I had forgotten how important it is to simply laugh with someone you truly adore. Whether it's a friend, a lover, a partner, a spouse . . . for me, I won't waste another second with a man who doesn't make me shout I'm going to pee my pants! at least once a week. Call me crazy, naive, young, dumb, whatever you'd like. But as Ava says when she mocks me, this is not difficult. And it's not. It's really quite easy.

There are three things that continue to pop up in my mind over and over again when I think about this new life I am living, and how I want my next relationship to flow, and what I wish for all these beautiful new couples pledging themselves to each other for eternity. That's a very long time, by the way. If you can't call that person your best friend first, you best return your dress.

1. Men need trust, and women need reassurance. This is from the brilliant John Gray, who wrote Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Marry a man who you believe in so that this isn't too difficult for you . . . and if I have any man readers, this is not difficult! Don't roll your eyes if your spouse asks you if she looks pretty, or checks in to be sure you still care about her when you've ignored her for 5 hours because you had a bad work day. It's in our blood. We take shit personally. Accept it. We have no idea if you are skilled enough to take that elk down or hit that home run or make goal at work, but we let you know that we know you will. So you feel trusted and manly and big and strong. And because we love you and will do what we need to make sure you hear it the way you need to.

2. This is Kevin Bacon at his finest. Footloose Schmootloose! His words . . . Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty. Good communication and passion, it's pretty simple . . .

3. Coming from the Queen Worry Bee, the Oh-My-God-What-if-this-happens-in-two-months-what-am-I-going-to-do-then?, my biggest challenge - but hands down, most rewarding attitude adjustment I've ever made - is to simply take it day by day. If I can focus on this moment, this day only, knowing it very well could be my last, then I have nothing to fear, and nothing to worry about. It's challenging no less to retrain your brain to stop thinking so much, but it's that exact thing that causes us to be so unhappy. We almost are never unhappy with the present moment, we are unhappy with our fears, and our imagined scenarios of events that fall to complete shit. We are silly people. Just enjoy the day. For me.

And here is the latest installment of Ava Lottie and Stella Bella, enjoying some of summer's last rays that helped provide some kickass flare for our little mini-shoot! :)

Happy Hump Day!